Ok, a friend just sent me his take on things, and this really gave me some insight into why my feelings and the end result were so at odds:

So what you have here (and what makes it so painful) is a guy who knows all the symbols of an emotionally accessible man (cooking you dinner, taking you out without pressuring you, being attentive without a clear ulterior motive) and can therefore playact that man without actually being that man. So that you're left feeling great about him and falling harder and faster than you want to, without him actually having to *be* what he's presenting. And you're left having been entirely emotionally genuine with a guy who gave all appearances of returning that same emotion just as genuinely--while his emotion was actually elsewhere.

That seems about right.

And now I'm done. Done with thinking about this and done with writing about this.

So as you can imagine much to my surprise
When the door was flung back open wide
It was a miracle
She walked inside
And pulled her chair up next to me

And that's when she knew
She had made her
First mistake

-Lyle Lovett